Dealing with Aging Parents Finances - Part 1

Let me say up front this is strictly based on my experience in having both of my parents pass away in the past year. Yours may vary. Also, I am not a financial or legal expert. I am just trying to give some direction to others in this situation. I know having this information up front would have been helpful to me.

You may possibly run into the situation where your parents don’t want to even discuss this. It may be from embarrassment, the fact they don’t want to admit their mortality, or they simply can’t accept their children helping them (in a role reversal). Be patient with them. You may want to broach the subject by telling them about others you know who didn’t do this and how difficult it is to deal with in additional to the emotion of losing a parent (most people know somebody who has gone through this).

First, do you parents have a will? If not, they really need to get one. It isn’t as big a deal if both parents are living (assuming they own everything jointly or they are in a state that recognizes community property). If however, only one of your parents is alive not having a will can cause the assets of their estate to be distributed by law which may not match what their real intent was. The probate court will want the original copy of the will (I’ll discuss probate in another blog post). It also a good idea to read the will so that you’ll know who the executor is and have an idea of their directives. You can either have a lawyer do this or download from one of the several legal form type web sites. This can be complex so I would recommend a lawyer if you can afford one.

Secondly, each parent should have a Living Will. This will dictate what measures should (and should not) be taken in medical situations. This is especially important in situations where a parent may be close to death and not able to speak for themselves. The person assigned the responsibility for carrying this out in the Living Will should be someone who can think clearly in these situations and not allow emotions to change the actions stated in the Living Will. This document is a bit less complex that a will, so can probably handle getting a copy yourselves and having each of your parents complete one. In Kentucky, the signatures must be notarized. When a parent checks into the hospital, they will probably ask for a copy of this.

Probably the most difficult document to agree to is a Power of Attorney. This document gives the person designated as POA the ability to act for that person in financial matters. This includes signing deeds, real estate papers,etc. You can even sign checks for that person if need be. You need to have a level a trust with your parents to do this. You should request a durable power of attorney. This means the POA is in effect even should the parent become incapable of making decisions. This document can be done either by a lawyer or downloaded from a legal web site and completed. It requires notarization.

Finally, it is a good idea to know where you parents have their checking and savings accounts, any investments (401k, mutual funds), which life insurance they have and any property they own. You’ll need to know every bit of this to carry out an estate when they pass away. It also helps if one parent dies and you have to help the other parent in carrying out financial matters. You should send every one of these entities a copy of the POA. It can often take weeks from them to process this document. I didn’t realize this and it delayed things when trying to help my dad access some of my mom’s retirement accounts when she passed away.

Next time I’ll discuss the beast that is Medicare.

Where have you been?

I apologize to anyone who has been looking for my posts. I’ve had a busy few months with my dad passing away and dealing with the settling of two estates. My wife also had major back surgery and is recovering (very well I must say) from that.

What I said to myself is that I would do is post a series of blog articles on some of things I dealt with concerning my parents before and after they passed away. I know that these type things would have been helpful to me and I hope they can be helpful to people my age. Look for these to start soon and I welcome any comments you have. I will say that of course “your mileage may vary” especially if you don’t live in Kentucky. I am certainly not a trained financial or legal professional.

BDubs...

Jonathan had been toying with the idea of getting the cable package that allows him to see NFL Network. We realized that the upcoming Giants-Panthers game on Thursday was on NFL Network. Jonathan is a New York Giants fan (I have no idea how that happened, it's one of my failures as a father). So, we decided to go to our local Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the game. I've never been there. Josh raves about the one in Lexington and Jonathan has been to this one, so I was interested to see how the experience would go.

On the way to BWW, I listened to ESPN Radio. They gave the Giants no chance to win. Their top running back (Ahmad Bradshaw) and wide receiver (Hakeem Nicks) were out. Their 3rd wide receiver - Dominick Hixon (he of the great Super Bowl catch) was out too. It wasn't shaping up as a stellar evening. I got to the restaurant a bit before Jonathan and went ahead and got a booth. The restaurant is separated into two areas. One has just tables and the other tables and the bar. I was able to be seated (perferably) in the non-bar area. I had only asked for two things - a booth and to be near the TVs. The booth was right in front of a big screen TV with two others in easy viewing distance. I was able to watch the Brewers Pirates game while we waited. Jonathan arrived. Our waitress told us they had 3.00 appetizers til 7. So Jonathan ordered onion rings and I ordred mini corn-dogs. His onion rings were excellent, my mini corn dogs were not. They were not hot at all, most were lukewarm and a couple were even cold.

We waited until the game started to order our meal. It was "Boneless Thursday" so boneless wings were .60 apiece. I went with the mildest they offered which was Southern BBQ. Jonathan went with the regular wings. Again, they were OK, but mine were lukewarm. I could understand if the place was packed that they might have issues with food sitting before they brought it out, but it wasn't packed at all. Anyway, each commentator on NFL Network picked the Panthers to win. The game started and the Giants got the ball and immediately started a drive. Little known Andre Brown looked good as the running back. Eli Manning threw a TD pass to Martellus Bennett. This thrilled Jonathan not only because the Giants scored on their first drive, but Bennett is the tight end on his fantasy team. The Giants held on Carolina's first drive and then drove down for a field goal. The Giants held again and then drove down for a touchdown. Ramses Barden did a good job in catching passes in place of the injured Hakeem Nicks. The Giants scored a field goal and led 20-0 at the half.

We only saw one Panters fan. It was a guy and his daughter had on a Panther's jersey. He saw Jonathan in his Eli jersey and told her to boo him. She only looked to be two or three, so she just looked at him. The Panthers received the 2nd half kickoff only to fumble it. This led to a Giants field goal and a 23-0 lead. At this point, I ordered a piece of chocolate cake with ice cream. It was good but Jonathan didn't help me eat it, so I was stuffed. The Panthers finally scored a TD to make it 23-7. The Giants got another field goal to make it 26-7. The Panthers started to drive but Cam Newton was intercepted. The Giants drove for another TD to go up 33-7 on another TD run by Andre Brown. The Panters drove down to the Giants 8, but Newton was intercepted at the goal line. The Giants then put in their subs. They got one more field goal to win easily 36-7. I know this sounds funny, but the game wasn't even as close as that score appears. We hung out til the end of the game and then left (with Jonathan ecstatic).

The experience wasn't that bad. Even though my food wasn't that hot (literally speaking), I'd go to eat again and just try something different. Our waitress was reall good, she kept our Coke and iced tea glasses full and kept checking on us. We were able to watch the game with ease. So, I'd be OK with going back again.

Boaz

A few weeks ago, Donna and I were out looking for the Mount Pisgah Cemetery (in Graves County) where my Great Grandfather and Great Grandmother Peeples are buried. After we left, we headed home and passed a post office which brought back memories. It was the Boaz Post Office. You see for the first 21 years of my life, my mailing address was in Boaz Kentucky. We didn't live close to Boaz, it was ten miles away or so. When I would say that as my address, I would get strange looks from people. They'd say "Boaz, where is that?". It also is pronounced as one syllable and not two - I had this discussion with a lot of people though. When we went to a post office, we generally went to one of the Paducah ones. I do remember my mom taking me to the Boaz Post Office to buy stamps. I used to collect stamps when I was young and I bought several commemoratives and plate blocks there.

I was in the area today, so I went back to look around more closely. There isn't a whole lot there, in fact the Post Office is it. There aren't even any of those neat green signs telling you that you are in Boaz (for example, I live between Hamburg and New York which are clearly marked with those signs). I pulled out my Kentucky Place names book and got a little more info.

Boaz (Graves County) A hamlet with po was until recently (note: this book was written in 1984) was located at the jct of KY 849 and the Illinois Central Railroad tracks, just yards east of the Mayfield Creek and 9 miles North of Mayfield. The Post Office (est on Sept 20, 1869) was named for Joshua Boaz, one of the largest property owners in the county who in 1854 gave the New Orleans and Ohio (now the Illinois Central) Railroad passage through his plantation. The station became an important shipping point on the railroad and the community that developed around it was incorporated in 1888. In the past few years, the community has begun to shift to the Viola-Boaz Road (over 1/4 mile to east) where the Post Office was relocated to.

When I hear the Boaz vs. Bo-az discussions, I of course think of one of my favorite Bible accounts. Boaz and Ruth ended up being the great-grandparents of King David.

I pulled up to the post office and got a picture and headed for home. I went down Wice Church Road and passed Straub Cemetery Road. These roads reminded me of a couple of adventures I'd been on when I was young, but I'll leave that discussion for another time.

Midnight Delight...

For Father's Day, Donna asked me what kind of dessert I wanted. I turned a few things over in my mind. I had recently gotten an email ad for Cold Stone Creamery ice cream cakes. The cupcakes I got for Donna from there for Valentine's day were excellent, so I thought I'd give it a try.

You have the option of ordering online. You first specify where you want to order from. Then you decide what cake you want. They have some types already listed for you. You also have the choice of making your own cake based on the type of cake and ice cream you want. Then, you specify the size you want and finally the date and time you want to pick the cake up. I chose one of the already listed types - Midnight Delight. This was chocolate cake with chocolate ice cream and a chocolate shell with chocolate sprinkes. I chose a small round cake (6 inches in diameter) and specified it's pickup on the night before Father's Day at 5:00pm.

When Saturday came, I went to pick up the cake. It was ready when I got there of course. The first thing I noticed was it looked smaller than I expected. It ended up feeding us for three days (plus an extra piece for Jonathan when he came to visit) so it worked out OK. The cake did not disppoint. It was easily one of the best desserts I've ever had and definitely the best ice cream cake. It was rich so you didn't want to eat huge slices of it. The only drawback is cost. The small one we ordered was a little over 25.00. It was excellent though and I'd recommend you consider giving one of these a try for your next special event.

Customer Service

Last weekend, Donna and I went to Nashville. We wanted to see our new nieces Charlotte and Catherine plus Brody and Amelia. We also wanted to see how my cousin Donna was (she had an extended stay there at a hospital). We had a really good time spending time with all of them.

On the way to see Donna, we stopped at Krispy Kreme. It was free doughnut day and they gave everybody a free doughnut (I got a chocolate cake one and it was great). I ordered a dozen more donuts. I asked for six of my favorite (chocolate ice-creamed filled) and six glazed. The lady went to get fresh doughnuts from the back and I paid for them and left.

We decided go to the Shoney's for dinner. I hadn't had a piece of hot fudge cake in a long time - I used to love it when we had a Shoney's in Paducah. We went to the Shoney's on Donelson Pike. It was busy (seafood buffet night) but not totally swamped. We were seated promptly and brought drinks. We ordered and waited. And we waited some more. I noticed our waitress was very exasperated and reached the point where she actually loudly complained and even cursed. I saw the assistant manager call her aside and tell her not to complain in front of customers. I saw numerous customers call the manager and assistant manager aside. Finally after 40 minutes, we got our food. It was cold which mean it had set out for a long while. We didn't feel comfortable there after listening to the waitress complain. I didn't bother ordering the hot fudge cake. So we left after we ate.

We went back to the hotel. I had solace in that I had my doughnuts waiting for me. I opened the box and was devastated. Instead of chocolate ice cream filled, it had chocolate covered glazed. I ate them and they were OK, but just not the same. At this point I went ahead and sent emails to both companies letting them know the issues I had and went to bed.

When I got up the next day, I had an email waiting from Krispy Kreme apologizing profusely for the problem. I hadn't heard from Shoney's but it was the weekend so I figured it might be a few days. We got back to Paducah and on Monday, I got a phone call from the manager of the Krispy Kreme we'd bought the doughnuts from. He apologized profusely and said I was to ask for him the next time I was town and he'd give me a free dozen doughnuts to make up for this. A few days later I received a coupon from the main Krispy Kreme office for a dozen free doughnuts that I had up to a year to use.

You might be wondering what Shoney's did. In a word, they did NOTHING. I have yet to hear anything from them not even a "Sorry, you just need to get over it". In this day and time where people are not spending money as freely as they used to and competition is fierce. it certainly isn't a time to skimp on customer service. You can guess what place I'll go back to and which one I won't. I'll have to get my hot fudge cake fix somewhere else.

Blue Orleans - part Deux

We got up and had breakfast at the hotel. We got the buffet (which was great). Josh smartly stuck with the continental. I paid a little more (since the contintental was free) to have the full buffet. It was really good, they even would make items to order. We went to the Hickory Knoll church of Christ. As were got ready for services, imagine our surprise when a family from Josh's home congregation came in (the Neths) came in. We talked with them for a while. They had made trip as a surprise to their kids. We enjoyed our time with the congregation there. We went back to our hotel and checked out.

We decided to head down to downtown New Orleans and eat and go to the NCAAA HoopFest. Driving in downtown New Orleans was horrific. It's all one way streets and with the extra traffic, it took us a long time to finally get to the Convention Center and park. The first order of business was getting lunch. We wanted to get one of the famous Po' Boy sandwiches. In reading various reviews on the web, they all mentioned a place called the NOLA grocery. They warned it was easy to miss and somewhat of a "hole in the wall". We decided we were up for it. We finally found it. We ordered fried shrimp Po' Boys and they were fabulous. I even got in a little sports talk with the sandwich maker. We went to the Hoopfest. When we got there, the line wound all around the Convention Center. We didn't want to go that bad, so we left.

I had reserved a room in Covington for Sunday night. This required us to go over Lake Ponchatrain on the Causeway. This is the longest continuous bridge over water (close to 27 miles). The bridge had multiple turnarounds but no gas stations or rest stops. I am not sure what would happen if you run out of gas or needed to go to the restroom. We made it without incident. We checked into our hotel (the Hampton Inn) and headed for Sunday night worship. We went to the Slidel church of Christ. When we got there, there were only about 15 people there. One of the men there asked if we would want to assist with services. I ended up leading the opening prayer and Josh led singing. He thought he was only leading a couple of songs until the man doing announcements said "Josh Yancy will be leading our singing". He had to scramble to find a few more songs. He did a really good job though. After services, we talked with the people there. It turned out that they had been a congregation of over 200. Then after Katrina hit, a lot of people moved out the area. It was a sad situation but these brethren continue to work for the Lord. We went back to the hotel. I walked next door to the Piccadilly cafeteria. It was OK but not as good as usual. Josh and Curtis walked to Applebees and I picked them up later.

The next day, we decided to go play tennis. We found a city park and played. We had fun but I could tell I was really rusty. I didn't play well at all. We checked out and went back across the causeway. We stopped at a mall that was by the end of the causeway. We strolled around and ate at the food court so everybody could get what they wanted. There was a Cafe Du Monde in there as well. If you have never heard of these, they are coffee shops that serve beignets. Beignets are large puffy pastries (like doughnuts) covered in powdered sugar. I usually go to the one in downtown. However, this one was very good plus it wasn't outside and hot and humid (like the downtown one can be). After the mall, we went to the Nike Store in downtown New Orleans. I'd never been to one. Josh showed me a pair of tennis shoes that were New York Jets green. We left there for our downtown hotel. I had used Hilton points to get a room at the Homewood Suites. The cost of the room would have been 600 a night. I met a guy who stayed five nights and spent over 3k on five nights there. The hotel was very nice. The one different thing was their parking lot. It was crammed full of cars. I felt sorry for the attendant. Every time a car came in or out, he had to move cars around. It reminded me of one of those sliding number puzzles. He did his job cheerfully with a smile for everyone. The hotel had dinner and we were able to get a free dinner of chicken and shrimp gumbo. We went back to the room to rest up for the game. It started raining so we waited as long as we could but finally had to walk to the Superdome in a slight drizzle.

The atmosphere inside was electric. It was just like the 7th game of the World Series I was at. Kentucky started out well and raced to an 18 point lead and were ahead 14 at half. You knew Kansas would make a run and they did. Coach Cal let off of the gas and quit letting Kentucky run and tried to play out the clock. This strategy failed them against Vandy and almost failed them here. Kansas keep getting closer and closer. With about a minute to go Tyshawn Taylor headed to the goal for a layup on a backdoor play that would have cut the lead to four. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist swooped in blocked the shot. With about 30 seconds to go Elijah Johnson went up for a three. Anthony Davis ran out at him and came down with the ball and walked. Uk held on to win. Finally after 14 years, UK had its title. Coach Cal no longer had to hear how "he couldn't win the big one. We were ecstatic of course. We stayed for the presentation of the trophy and then left. It was raining, but we didn't care. We got back to the hotel. Josh and Curtis wanted to walk around, but I was tired. They left and I went to bed.

We got up the next morning and ate breakfast at the hotel. We got our car out of the sliding number puzzle and headed home. The trip home was uneventful. I dropped the guys off at the Memphis Airport to get their car. I got back about 8pm. It was good to get back. We had a blast and made a wonderful memory.